The Balancing Way
I named my little side hustle over a decade ago in 2012 when I decided to make fresh juice and deliver it to customers with my moms help. I struggled back then on how and what was good for my body, the information overload was to much for me I felt confused a-lot about what I should and should not to do to loose weight & feel healthy. I knew vegetables & fruits were good for you so I started juicing thinking what an easy way to give my body what it needs, I learnt quickly a-lot of women were thinking like me and I decided I wanted a business name for the juice. The Balancing Way came easy because at a hard time in my life I was desperate to find balance.
Fast forward 12 years, Hello 2024. The Balancing Way is my yoga mat, my journal, my love for food and my love for myself. I opened my mind to trying a yoga practice 12 years ago and quickly new I had to teach it. My passion to learn more about food outgrew the juices, I dove into a personal nutrition program, a culinary course and became a certified food handler. The Balancing Way stayed true to me within my journey of finding balance in home/work life.
I rented a small office space at a hot yoga studio where I held one on one coaching sessions, some nutrition talk, self love talk, and at the time I was in the Juice Plus+ world so promoting a quick affordable way to get your veg, fruit & berries into your body (Still love Juice plus+) and taught Yoga. This was still a side hustle, I worked FT at a hospital and as a mom. But my passion to find balance fuelled me to work hard.
My hard work payed off in many areas over the years, I started creating salad jars for my lunches I fell in love with the creation it was calming & beautiful art. Through my Yoga journey I learnt how powerful the energy within me is, and how every energy centre had a colour so I decided a simple way to eat in balance was to eat the colours of my energy. These jars took off and within a year I found myself creating 200 jars every sunday and delivering them and giving them yoga inspired names. I was invited on to rogers tv (twice) to talk about them, I partnered with a farm to do yoga by the sheep & salad jar parties with fresh farm food. This was still a side hustle as I was balancing work, motherhood & fun.
I spent years renting spaces to teach yoga, taught at studios, created workshops, attended retreats, creating and delivering salad jars my growth was planted. My side hustle allowed me to stay close to the parts of me that were grieving, the parts that hurt.
I continued to work FT through all of the above, I was also still grieving the loss of my brother, I was being used as a pawn in my step fathers game (whole other blog) I was being bullied at work, and felt the burn out. I was tired of doing it all , being it all, remaining kind to those who didn’t deserve it, I was tired but felt guilty if i just gave up on my students, my salad jars, my job. This was the first time I started to feel like i was NOT in BALANCE.
Everything became to much and my people pleasing ways caught up to me, this is when I met my first Journal. She (yes my first journal was female) was more of a list, to-do’s, brain dumps, I started to read back to myself the words, Alone. Lonely. Tired. Good Night. Kyle. a-lot of my first journal was just one words, sometimes written in a list sometimes all over the page. As I read those one words back to myself, I started to get curious and the writing began. I found a place where I could release anything I was thinking with no judgment. I got a new journal and used it to get curious about my first journal and all the one words I wrote.
After a year of Journaling and being a student in yoga, taking some time away from my people pleasing ways no salad jars & no teaching yoga. I learnt that everything I was doing was distracting me from the trauma, the fear I had within me. I never really grieved the loss of my brother, I never stood up for myself against the bully and I allowed my step dad to use me for whatever game he was playing all because I wanted to be helpful, kind & needed.
Once I learnt my own behaviour, I slowly got out of my own way.
I spoke my mind to the bully, I ended the relationship with my stepdad and assured him that he has no place in my life. I wrote letter after letter in my journal to my brother, I dedicated every yoga class to him when I got on my mat. I would talk to him when I was alone, I started to feel brand new. I felt a new way of Balance, it was no longer work | life balance. It was mind | body balance, it was a brand new way of living.
If my body was hurting, or exhausted I learnt to tune in and listen. I would sit in my most restorative yoga asana and I would journal whatever was going on in my head. This was magic in my world. Everything seemed to be aligning and I was back on my mat teaching and creating salad jars in a more balanced | boundary kind of way.
If life has taught me anything, it’s simply that we have to realign and grow every damn day. Just when I thought “YES!” i found balance. BAM! life would teach me, no such thing as balance. I had put in the work to trust myself with my feelings, I learnt to dig deep into grief. When I was asked for a divorce, I spent 2 days crying.
14 years of my life was being taken away from me. . This felt the same way it did when my brother passed. I had to grieve the 14 years because it was coming to an end. It took 2 days of crying and journaling to see how this might be a gift of life to me. I promised myself to feel it all, no numbing. I would not try to be strong for anyone (not even my daughter) she would learn the most vulnerable side of her mom through this part of growth. To be clear, she was not a shoulder I would cry on. At times we would journal together because we both missed the life we were living and this supported our growth and allowed us to align with the new life we were gifted. The Balancing Way was standing true to mind | body health.
at the same time i was grieving the relationship, I found a new passion teaching Yoga virtually as we learnt to live in the covid world, because I still worked FT at a hospital, covid never kept me home. I was redeployed all over the hospital making new friends, learning new things & multi tasking like a super hero with a-lot of feelings. Meditation came into my life in a big way, I was able to see the gratitude & feel joy through it all. I was very gentle with myself, I trusted my self to lean in on rest, relaxation, baths, books, puzzles, journaling, no news!! living completely in my feminine energy.
Finally were out of the pandemic. I bought my daughter and I a little home in Muskoka. I moved in nurturing & celebrating myself. I was able to move on from the hospital , started new work in my new town. I tried a couple FT jobs and after everything I have gone through I knew how to listen to my body, I knew when I could find joy and make it work and I knew when it did not, would not ever align with me. I fell into fear, grieving all my jobs. scared that i did not have one, ive always had a FT job with a side hustle. (a dream.)
This was the moment The Balancing Way became my FT job.
Ive always known it was my passion, I would dream about what could be. I would attend retreats and wish that one day I would host a retreat. My dreams to guide others through grief, would fill my mind and body with beautiful ways I could help. All of this was living in my feminine energy. Dreaming of something more.
In the present moment, I am learning the balance of my feminine & masculine energy. I am taking my dreams and putting the work into making them happen. Everyday I work towards self confidence, self worth, self acceptance. Because the reality is sometimes its fuckin hard. My perfectionism exhausts me, and I start to doubt my ability to be worthy and the thoughts run wild “maybe it would be easier to find another FT job” but when I take a real minute to journal those thoughts I learn that my fear, my guilt, my grief are all teaming up to try and stop me, my brain wants to keep me safe (Its designed for that) I am learning that on the other side of those emotions is growth. To become who Ive always dreamt of being takes work, hard work!
May 2024 was the last time I worked FT for anyone other then myself, since then I have facilitated salad jar & yoga home parties, workshops around Muskoka, attended 3 retreats, I was invited on to TV in Muskoka to talk about my self love journey, I teach yoga at 3 different studios, I volunteer at Muskoka Hospice and events within my community, I have written a mindset guide, started a podcast, and finally facilitating my FIRST EVER RETREAT.
The Balancing Way has come along way since juicing. Over the past decade I’ve had thoughts about changing my business name, wondering if I even believed in balance for the sole fact that life made it hard to find balance. I sit here today wearing a sweater that says “The Balancing Way” and it reminds me of my dreams & my goals of living in my feminine energy. It reminds me of my passion, my purpose and is teaching me to work hard, walk with fear to create my growth its me stepping into my masculine energy to make my dreams a reality.
I trust myself. I trust I can achieve what I work hard for, I also trust myself to know when to rest. I am learning my capacity for mental, emotional, spiritual, physical health. This my friends is what I call Balance. (with a side of boundaries)
